First-step to Avoiding Conflict

The first step towards avoiding conflict is something that sounds simple and easy, but is very difficult to put into practice...

OVERLOOK MINOR OFFENSES

This can be a painful step.  We often feel that we are the most important person in the world.  This is because we are self-centered and selfish due to the sin of pride.  Sometimes offenses that are minor might be made much larger because our pride and ego are offended.  If we are going to avoid conflict this is the first step for a believer.  Before we boldly confront the sinner with our righteous indignation, we should ask if the offense has risen to the level of confrontation.  Our pride and ego being offended might not be enough to enact Matthew 18 and church discipline.  In fact, the first place for us to begin is with the spiritual question – are we mature enough to get over this offense?

Paul said in Colossians 3:13 that we should bear “with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” 

It should be noted that not every offense is something we should intentionally overlook.  There are sins that are committed between two persons that are not considered minor and cannot be overlooked.  In these instances, it is appropriate and biblical to follow the biblical model provided in Matthew 18.

“Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” Proverbs 19:11   

There are two keys step to overlooking minor offenses.  First, we must seek resolution in prayer.   Through prayer we must determine if the offense is worthy of bringing before the entire Body of Christ.  If the Matthew 18 process is initiated, that is the potential culmination of the process.  Second, we must forgive.   We must begin with forgiving the person that offended us.  The person that offended us might not even know they have offended us.  If the offense is minor and we forgive, the offense might never occur again.

Conflict in the Body of Christ

I am concerned and broken about conflict in the Body of Christ.  I am striving to finish my D. Min. at NOBTS and have been approved to produce a teaching manual that relates to personal conflict.  I am producing a manual for incarcerated believers.  But, conflict is conflict.  Conflict is not something new...God and Satan, Cain and Abel, Jesus and the Pharisees, and Paul and Barnabas.

I think we are unaware of how destructive conflict can be for believers, pastors and churches.  We know that conflict produces violence, divorce, abuse, terminations, and even war.  I do not think we can envision how destructive conflict within the Body of Christ is to the advancement of the Gospel.
I continue to hear sad information about friends that face forced terminations.  My list of friends is in double digits.  In fact, I sense that the termination of pastors in American is at  unprecedented numbers and reaching epidemic levels.   I believe that many of these terminations are avoidable.  I know that conflict within the Body of Christ is destroying ministries, families, reputations of local churches and the advancement of the Gospel.

I thought I would share several areas that cause conflict in churches.  This is not an exhaustive list.  It is designed to get you thinking about the subject and your church. 

1. Expectations.  Too often pastors and congregations set unbelievable expectations for each other.  These expectations often lead to disappointment and conflict.  When parties feel they have not had their expectations fulfilled they believe that fighting and fleeing will solve the problem.  Here is a simple and practical thought: Congregations - stop looking for Jesus as a pastoral candidate.  Pastors - your church is filled with sinners.  They have various priorities and your vision might not be one of them.
2. Vision.  Most pastors have a vision for their ministries.  This ministry should involve seeing people grow and become more like Christ.  Or, as I like to say, "make and mature believers."  However, not everyone in the church wants to be changed.  Often a pastor's vision is in conflict with church members because they either have no vision for the church or they have a radically different vision.  
3. Change.  Pastors that are seeking Christ, trying to share the Gospel and grow believers are going to produce change.  Often change is not received well in churches.  Many members prefer the status quo.  The SBC sees hundreds of churches close every year.  Most of this is related to location.  However, some churches that have had powerful potential shuttered their doors simply because they were unwilling to change. 
4. Ownership and loss of power.  Many church members envision their pastor as a migrant worker.  He is just passing through...this is my church.  When a congregation senses the pastor is seeking or gaining power there is potential for conflict.  Many church members believe the church belongs more to them than Jesus.  Conflict can easily arise during moments of this nature.   
5. Unregenerate church membership.  Our churches are filled with members that have not be regenerated.  These individuals stoop to horrible tactics in conflict.  To these individuals, the church isn't a Kingdom institution as much as it is country club with a cross.  These individuals joined the church thinking it was a civic organization that had a president and did good things in the community. 

I believe there are reasons to "fire the preacher."  However, these reasons involve bad doctrine and illegal and immoral actions.  Dear Church, remember you aren't Jesus and you didn't hire him. 

I remind you that when conflict arises and termination follows advancement of the gospel is thwarted, families are damaged and the witness of the local church is damaged. 

When conflict arises in the church that cannot be managed within the church it is time to seek trained help.  Many state conventions have staff members that are trained to mediate church conflict.  Just as with marriage counseling, seek help before it is too late.