Fight? Flow? Flee?

My college pastoral ministry professor (Dr. Jerry Windsor) taught us "young preacher boys" that when faced with conflict in church we had three options - we could elect to fight, flow or flee.

I would like to explore these three options in further detail.  First, we can decide to flee.  This means that when faced with conflict or opposition we decide to run, find a new ministry or simply quit.  Before I attempt to stand in judgement of this decision, I must admit that I have chosen this option more than once in my life.  Some of these were on the micro level and other examples of this in my life were on the macro level.  Sometimes people note that fleeing is the easiest option.  I would argue that fleeing isn't the easiest option.  Often fleeing causes disruptions in our families and can destroy reputations.

Second, we can decide that we will simply flow.  When we decide to flow we are saying that the health of the organization isn't that important to us.  Additionally, when we decide to flow we are determining that our ideas can't make the organization better.  We are also deciding that our ideas aren't worth communicating within a larger battlefield of ideas.  An organization should strive to accomplish its mission in hopes of fulfilling its vision.  When important individuals in an organization decide to flow the vision of the organization may be stalled because there is a lack of competing ideas.  Those competing ideas have the potential to make the organization more effective.

Third, we can fight.  Now, when we hear the word "fight" we assume we are talking about either full-scale military operations or a slug-fest in the street.  However, I think determining to fight is something radically different that those impressions.  When we determine to fight it means that we have determined that our ideas are worth considering.  Fighting also means that we believe that a profitable exchange of ideas and advancement for the organization can come from conflict.  Conflict is not always the end.  In fact, conflict can be a means to a more effective and efficient organization. 

There are situations when each of these directions are the right choice.  There are moments when we must elect to flow because the issues simply aren't worth a fight.  In other words, we must decide if every hill is a hill worth dying upon.  Additionally, there times when fleeing is the best and most appropriate option.  There are moments when we decide the casualties of conflict are too great to fight.

Regardless of which option we choose - the most important principle is that we glorify God in the selection and execution of an these options.

The Fallen

Memorial Day - 2013

Memorial Day for many is the inauguration of summer.  It normally assures us that school is finished for the year and summer is beginning.  It is marked by mattress sales, cookouts, and
parades.

But, Memorial Day has such a deeper meaning. Here you will find the history of Memorial Day-

http://www.va.gov/opa/speceven/memday/history.asp

History is about the legacy of heroic men and women that have sacrificed their lives for the freedom of this country.  As a former Army Chaplain I am extremely sensitive to this holiday.  I have performed military funerals, death notifications for those killed in Iraq and met with family members of a friendly fire incident.

This Memorial Day our nation may focus on those that have perished in recent conflicts, but the wounds are still raw for families that have lost loved ones in WWII, Korea, and Vietnam.

Our nation is grateful for those that have given all.  However, our gratitude will never fill the void for those family members that lost fathers, mothers, husbands, wives, daughters, and sons.  The country moves on past these deaths, but the families are haunted daily be these absences.

My desire isn't that you sit around in a somber trance this Memorial Day.  My desire is to remind you to never forget the sacrifice that has been paid.  Enjoy the day, spend time with family, but remember the express reason we have a holiday of this nature.

Here is a way you can honor the fallen.

http://iava.org/splash/

I will go silent for:
Peter Marshall
Steven Conover

Pushing Out Into the Deep and God's Provision

³ And He got into one of the boats, which was Simon’s, and asked him to put out a little way from the land. And He sat down and began teaching the people from the boat. ⁴ When He had finished speaking, He said to Simon, “Put out into the deep water and let down your nets for a catch.” ⁵ Simon answered and said, “Master, we worked hard all night and caught nothing, but I will do as You say and let down the nets.” Luke 5:3-5 (NASB)

Luke 5:4 has made a considerable impact in my spiritual life since sitting in Dr. Bill Cook's New Testament Survey class at The Baptist College of Florida.  The call to "put out into the deep" or "push out into the deep" was a call by Jesus to challenge the faith and understanding of his soon to be followers.  These men had been been fishing all night long.  These rugged fishermen would have fished at night, cleaned their nets and then rested during the day.  In other words, they worked the third shift.  Jesus calls them to let down their nets during the day to show them that he was sovereign over all things...even the fish of the sea.  He is preparing to show them they can succeed at fishing - even against their logic - because he is preparing to send them out to catch men, rather than fish.

But, this verse has always pushed me to live by faith in the deep waters.  I once preached a sermon on this passage.  The sermon was entitled, "Deep Water Evangelism."

To be honest with you, I haven't always lived in the deep waters of faith.  In fact, there have been moments of life when I didn't trust God's provision.

This passage should propel us towards living by faith.  God hasn't called us to wade in the shallow end.  God has called us to live by faith and trust his provisions.  Our Father will provide for our needs.  On that day, Jesus brought forth a harvest of fish from the deep waters.  I sense the rewards of spiritual fruit are in the deep waters.  Additionally, sometimes the mission that we are called to for God will involve things that seem illogical - like requesting these men to fish during the day.

I challenge you to live deep...push out from your comfort zone...understand that Christ hasn't called us to sit on the shoreline and serve in the shallow waters.  Go deep and relish the challenge of following God's call.

Love God, Love Your Neighbor, and Go "Push Out Into the Deep."

The Great Commission and NOBTS

Recently I was blessed to participate in graduation at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary (NOBTS).  I first graduate from NOBTS in 2001 with a Master of Divinity Degree.  The most impressive thing about NOBTS isn't its president, faculty, local food or fabulous location.  The most impressive thing about NOBTS is that they instill a desire to fulfill the Great Commission into every one of their students.  The Great Commission is about going, teaching Christ's message, and baptizing those who repent and believe.
   
And Jesus came up and spoke to them, saying, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. ¹⁹ Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, ²⁰ teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:18-20


These words from Jesus remind us where following Christ can take us...to the nations.  We must be reminded of this commission.  We must ask if we are incorporating this commission into our lives?  Do our lives revolve around fulfilling this commission?  Or, do we see this statement as something that we can accomplish while we are doing our "own thing?"  My desire isn't to do my "own thing" while trying to fulfill the Great Commission as a sidebar.  Instead my desire is to make the fulfillment of this commission the centerpiece of my life and ministry.

We need a shift in our personal lives, families, and in our churches.  We need to be driven to fulfill the Great Commission in light of the Great Commandment. 

³⁶ “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” ³⁷ And He said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ ³⁸ This is the great and foremost commandment. ³⁹ The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ Matthew 22:36-39

 

I am thankful for my theological and ministry education at NOBTS.  I am more thankful my education enhanced my desire to love God, love my neighbor, and to fulfill the Great Commission.  I wonder if you will rearrange and reorganize your life to make this commission statement by Jesus paramount in your life?  

Conflict and Being Stuck on Stupid

I have served as a chaplain in the U. S. Army and in the Federal Prison System.  Regardless of the setting I have heard the same phrase used, "stuck on stupid."  This phrase is often used to describe individuals that just don't know how to help themselves.  In other words, they allow their stupidity or  hardheadedness to get in the way of their own accomplishments or advancement.

I have determined that many conflicts in our lives are a product of being "stuck on stupid."  Conflict occurs when our desires are thwarted because of other individuals or a situation that stalls our desires.  When conflict occurs we often "get in our feelings." When we are confronted with conflict we determine that we will win in conflict regardless of the ramifications.  We determine before there is a chance for resolution, reconciliation, and restoration that we will not lose. When this occurs we are essentially - "stuck on stupid."  In essence, we are determining that our pride and self-perseverance is more important than peace and unity.  In fact, we are determining that saving face is more important than glorifying God.

Conflict happens! Conflict is not always a bad thing. Conflict can help produce positive advancement in our relationships and organizations.  However, for positive outcomes to occur conflict must be handled and managed appropriately. Conflict can produce better understanding, more refined missions, visions and strategic plans.  However, when we determine to be "stuck on stupid" conflict can result in disenfranchisement, disillusionment, and in some cases, dismissal.  

First-step to Avoiding Conflict

The first step towards avoiding conflict is something that sounds simple and easy, but is very difficult to put into practice...

OVERLOOK MINOR OFFENSES

This can be a painful step.  We often feel that we are the most important person in the world.  This is because we are self-centered and selfish due to the sin of pride.  Sometimes offenses that are minor might be made much larger because our pride and ego are offended.  If we are going to avoid conflict this is the first step for a believer.  Before we boldly confront the sinner with our righteous indignation, we should ask if the offense has risen to the level of confrontation.  Our pride and ego being offended might not be enough to enact Matthew 18 and church discipline.  In fact, the first place for us to begin is with the spiritual question – are we mature enough to get over this offense?

Paul said in Colossians 3:13 that we should bear “with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” 

It should be noted that not every offense is something we should intentionally overlook.  There are sins that are committed between two persons that are not considered minor and cannot be overlooked.  In these instances, it is appropriate and biblical to follow the biblical model provided in Matthew 18.

“Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” Proverbs 19:11   

There are two keys step to overlooking minor offenses.  First, we must seek resolution in prayer.   Through prayer we must determine if the offense is worthy of bringing before the entire Body of Christ.  If the Matthew 18 process is initiated, that is the potential culmination of the process.  Second, we must forgive.   We must begin with forgiving the person that offended us.  The person that offended us might not even know they have offended us.  If the offense is minor and we forgive, the offense might never occur again.

Conflict in the Body of Christ

I am concerned and broken about conflict in the Body of Christ.  I am striving to finish my D. Min. at NOBTS and have been approved to produce a teaching manual that relates to personal conflict.  I am producing a manual for incarcerated believers.  But, conflict is conflict.  Conflict is not something new...God and Satan, Cain and Abel, Jesus and the Pharisees, and Paul and Barnabas.

I think we are unaware of how destructive conflict can be for believers, pastors and churches.  We know that conflict produces violence, divorce, abuse, terminations, and even war.  I do not think we can envision how destructive conflict within the Body of Christ is to the advancement of the Gospel.
I continue to hear sad information about friends that face forced terminations.  My list of friends is in double digits.  In fact, I sense that the termination of pastors in American is at  unprecedented numbers and reaching epidemic levels.   I believe that many of these terminations are avoidable.  I know that conflict within the Body of Christ is destroying ministries, families, reputations of local churches and the advancement of the Gospel.

I thought I would share several areas that cause conflict in churches.  This is not an exhaustive list.  It is designed to get you thinking about the subject and your church. 

1. Expectations.  Too often pastors and congregations set unbelievable expectations for each other.  These expectations often lead to disappointment and conflict.  When parties feel they have not had their expectations fulfilled they believe that fighting and fleeing will solve the problem.  Here is a simple and practical thought: Congregations - stop looking for Jesus as a pastoral candidate.  Pastors - your church is filled with sinners.  They have various priorities and your vision might not be one of them.
2. Vision.  Most pastors have a vision for their ministries.  This ministry should involve seeing people grow and become more like Christ.  Or, as I like to say, "make and mature believers."  However, not everyone in the church wants to be changed.  Often a pastor's vision is in conflict with church members because they either have no vision for the church or they have a radically different vision.  
3. Change.  Pastors that are seeking Christ, trying to share the Gospel and grow believers are going to produce change.  Often change is not received well in churches.  Many members prefer the status quo.  The SBC sees hundreds of churches close every year.  Most of this is related to location.  However, some churches that have had powerful potential shuttered their doors simply because they were unwilling to change. 
4. Ownership and loss of power.  Many church members envision their pastor as a migrant worker.  He is just passing through...this is my church.  When a congregation senses the pastor is seeking or gaining power there is potential for conflict.  Many church members believe the church belongs more to them than Jesus.  Conflict can easily arise during moments of this nature.   
5. Unregenerate church membership.  Our churches are filled with members that have not be regenerated.  These individuals stoop to horrible tactics in conflict.  To these individuals, the church isn't a Kingdom institution as much as it is country club with a cross.  These individuals joined the church thinking it was a civic organization that had a president and did good things in the community. 

I believe there are reasons to "fire the preacher."  However, these reasons involve bad doctrine and illegal and immoral actions.  Dear Church, remember you aren't Jesus and you didn't hire him. 

I remind you that when conflict arises and termination follows advancement of the gospel is thwarted, families are damaged and the witness of the local church is damaged. 

When conflict arises in the church that cannot be managed within the church it is time to seek trained help.  Many state conventions have staff members that are trained to mediate church conflict.  Just as with marriage counseling, seek help before it is too late.